should i end it tonight?
i guess since no one follows me it doesn’t mater if i tell tumblr I’m committing suicide at some point today.. its gotten to be to much and the answers are to hard to come by. i didn’t purposely lose all of your belongings or only work pants on purpose and the fact you cant even think about that tells me all you want to do is hate me which is somewhat understandable but i lost clothes too in that load. idk how to say sorry when I’m told as a kid not to say it because iv grown to just saying it for everything and now I’m back at it at age 20. i don’t plan on seeing 21 if i do it will be a miracle. i really thought it was going to be dumped for accidentally losing a load of laundry and I’m still not convinced that I’m not going to be. I’m never allowed to be an ass or be pissed off but she can always be mad and pissed and i have to be okay with it. so fuck the bullshit I’m killing myself its that simple its easier for all parties involved how many times do i have to tell you people.
why did i get back on this… i knew this is were she fully vented and were i never got on but when i checked everything i didnt want to see i saw. no wonder she said if she wanted to be with him she would be. its not like shes far from it from what tumblr says… i know this are going to get better but what the fuck. i dont go talking to my exs and when they try to talk to me i ignore them.
if theres ever been a time that iv wanted to commit suicide today’s level of thinking would put those to shame… I feel like I failed at life. I know that one year is just a year out of my life but without being in school I can’t afford to see my doctors for the kidney issues i still and will always have. I can’t afford to pay back $7,000 in student loans on a $300 pay check every two weeks. My life has never felt more complicated and fucked up. I’m really not sure what I’ll do anymore. I know its just school but it was a part of my life that I actually wanted but never seemed like I did. I feel like I let everyone down but i feel like i failed my parents and girlfriend the most. Im gunna go get sick now.
